i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
