we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
