She is in my trunk
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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