i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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