So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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