he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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