You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
