What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Semen is not good for contacts.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
