I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
