She's JV to your varsity
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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