he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize