Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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