Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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