I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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