So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
