I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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