I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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