OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
