So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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