she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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