Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
