my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
