Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
