I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
high people should be assigned attendants
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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