I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
