we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize