i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
