he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im holly from the hills drunk
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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