Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dignity is for republicans.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize