she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
