You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
