I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
