he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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