Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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