dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
