so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
