then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
