Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize