I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
