Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
