this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
