ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
