I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
