She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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