Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
