I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just puked most of my soul out..
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize