Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
