I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
