No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
