i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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