I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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