The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
