Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
