youre lurking in front of me
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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