i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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