Yo dont text me then not text me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
