Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
