I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize