i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
