She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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