I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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