if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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