You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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