I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
