Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
