May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
