kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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