i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
