Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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