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Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize