So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
