I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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