I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
