So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
