My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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