Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
