hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
