I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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