Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
