Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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