i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
