i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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