he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
