thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
