Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
